If The General Lee Could Talk
by Marty C
Summary: Hmm, did you ever wonder what The General would say if he could talk? What Kind Of Stories could he tell us?


**The General Lee****Could Talk**

By

Marty Chrisman

**Song used in the story is "The General Lee" by Johnny Cash from the original Dukes of Hazard Soundtrack**

_**I'm a charger, that charges through the night**_

_**Like an orange bolt of lightening passing everything in sight**_

_**I'm the best friend the Duke Boys ever had**_

_**I'm thunder on the highway looking bad, bad , bad**_

_**I'm a knight like the kind in shining armor**_

_**With my polished body gleaming I'm a fighter and a charmer**_

_**If trouble comes your way just ask for me**_

_**My friends all know me as the General Lee**_

Hi, there. For those of you that don't know me, my name is the General Lee. Now it might seem strange to have a car talking to you but hey, there are some people around these parts that seem to think I'm half human anyway. At least when one of them Duke boys is behind the wheel. It even amazes me sometimes what them boys can get me to do.

Maybe I should give you a little history about me and the Duke boys. See the Duke boys are Bo and Luke. They're just two good ole boys that live in a little town called Hazzard along with their Uncle Jesse and their cousin, Daisy. Now them two boys are two of the best drivers in the whole state of Georgia. You'd swear they was born with a silver gas pedal in their mouths. But then they were taught how to drive by Uncle Jesse who was the best ole ridge runner around. He still has a few tricks up his sleeve that he pulls out now and then.

Now the boys have always been crazy about racing, so they decided they was gonna build themselves the best danged stock car around. They started by building themselves an engine and then found me to put it in. Since they use me for racing, my doors are welded shut so they have to climb in and out through the windows. Now that don't bother the boys none but Uncle Jesse ain't too crazy about it.

Now you might wonder why they decided to paint me orange. Well that's simple, that's the only color Ole Cooter had available at the time. And I kinda like being orange. It makes me stand out in the crowd. Folks can sure see me coming down the road. Then they went and added that confederate flag and that big O1 on my doors. Then once they decided on my name, well the rest is history like they say. And adding that horn was a pure stroke of genius if you ask me. Cause all folks have to do is hear me playing Dixie and they know right away that it's me a-coming. (or a-going)

Now Bo, he usually does the driving with Luke riding shotgun. Bo can be a little crazy sometimes and he'll jump me over just about everything…..even some things that most people would never think about jumping over (like trains) Why one time, he even jumped me over 32 parked cars.

Let me tell ya a little about that jump. See there was this pretty girl that owned her a stunt show and she talked Bo into joining up. Course with Bo a pretty girl don't have to do much talking to get him to do what she wants. Now Luke and the rest of the family wasn't none too happy about it but Bo can be as stubborn as a Missouri mule when he gets his mind set on something, especially if there's a pretty girl involved. Why Bo and Luke even got into a fist fight about it.

Anyway, it turns out that another guy that worked for this show was jealous of anybody that tired to make that jump and he'd been messing with anyone's car who tried it so they didn't make it. He even tried cutting my gas line but lucky for Bo, Luke showed up in time and kept him from making the jump until ole Cooter fixed me. Then wouldn't ya know it, Ole Luke climbed right in there beside Bo and they made the jump together. We made it over them 32 cars too. That one even surprised me a little. I didn't know I had it in me.

And them two boys have entered me in every kind of race you can imagine. I've raced on dirt tracks, paved track, even cross country. And I've won ever race I've ever been in…..well, except for one but we won't talk about that one. One time ole Bo even won a race racing me in reverse! Now what do you think about that? Is that skill or what? But then, that's what I was built for. Right?

Now Luke, he don't drive me as much as Bo does but when that boy gets behind wheel, look out cause he's just as good. He's got a little steadier hand and don't do quite as many crazy stunts. Luke's the one that helps keep me running as smooth as Uncle Jesse's shine. Course he has a little help with that from ole Cooter.

Cooter is the local mechanic and is considered the best mechanic in the entire state. Why Cooter even saved my life one time. See Boss Hogg got this guy to hypnotize old Luke into thinking I was old and over the hill. (Now Uncle Jesse got kinda upset at that) Now anybody who knows Luke knows he'd never think that in his right mind but then Luke wasn't exactly in his right mind at the time.

Anyway, Boss ended up getting his hands on me and he told Rosco to shove me into Rainbow Canyon . And Rosco did too but he didn't stick around to make sure I actually went over the edge. Lucky for me, Ole Cooter was coming along about then and seen me heading for the edge. He got his old truck in front of me and stopped me before I went into the canyon. Man, I tell ya that scared both of us near to death.

But ole boss wasn't done, he got two other guys to throw dynamite into my back seat to try and blow me up. But Ole Luke saved my life that time. He grabbed that dynamite and threw it out before it blew up and me along with it. Luckily, things worked out okay and I ended back home with the boys where I belonged.

Now, you know who I like driving me? Sweet Daisy. Now she can drive almost as good as them boys but she ain't quite so reckless and she don't jump me the way they do. But I tell ya what, she smells a whole lot prettier. My seats smell good for a week after she's been behind the wheel.

Now I just hate when them bad guys get hold of me. You know most of them don't even know how to drive. Why there was two of 'em once that stole me while the boys was swimming (that taught ole Bo not to leave the keys in the ignition) and they got into a chase with Rosco and I ended up in the bottom of Hazzard Pond.

Ole Cooter had to drag me out and dry me out. I had the vapors for a week after that. Ole Rosco and Enos thought the boys was driving and got killed….heck, they should have known better than that. Them boys have nine lives and beside that, they would have never have driven me in the pond.

Then there was these other guys that stole me one time and hooked me up to this remote control so they could drive me without anyone being behind the wheel. Now that got real interesting. At one point, they even had me chasing after the boys! Never did find out what they thought about being chased by their own danged car. But things worked and the boys got me back. I tell ya, I've been shot at so many times I feel like I'm in bad gangster movie sometimes.

So, all in all, I guess you gotta admit that I lead a pretty interesting life with them Duke Boys and I wouldn't have it any other way. So if ya see me coming, say howdy as I pass by! Keep it between the ditches. Y'all hear?

_**I've got style tearing though the curves**_

_**Let my flag wave proudly to the people that I serve**_

_**I'm number one and I will always be**_

_**The pride of the south, they call me The General Lee**_

_**Take a look back there, sirens blowing**_

_**Red lights flashing everywhere**_

_**We'll cross the field and we'll be running free**_

_**They"ll eat dust with compliments of me, the General Lee**_


End file.
